Lolly JONES

Why I Swiped Left

Lolly JonesComment

Sometimes we all feel a little lonely, so this week, I went in search of meaning. Sadly, instead of transcendental meditation, I used dating app Tinder as my tool.  

The reasons I 'Swiped Left' on so many adorable men are because...

I don’t need you to rise again

Tinder Jesus

 

If Jesus came back in this day and age-would he be on Tinder?  More importantly, would he call himself Robbo and ‘shag with an amplifier set to 11’?

 

 

A cropped photo probably means you’re bald

Now I don’t mind a baldie.  One word: Bruce Willis. 

What I don’t like is deceit.  If you’re concealing a shiny swede, what else are you being dishonest about?  A pressing visa application?  Crabs?  A pet gimp in the basement? 

 

 

You didn’t butter me up first

Tinder Flirting

If you want to see my panties, you’re going to have to buy me a Fillet of Fish meal with a full fat coke first, pal.

 

 

Low neck t-shirts are for women

And even then, they should be used sparingly and only when making a point.

 

 

You’re bloody MARRIED!

Love Cheat

I admire the honesty but do you want to let the dust settle first?

 

 

I was almost offered a future by a non-virtual person

Almost.  A no-filter future, dangling precariously on the end of string.  

What was it my Grandma used to say?   Beware the charming wolf in H&M sheeps clothing. 

 

 

Women like a bit of mystery

Lunchbox

Is that an organic courgette down there or are you pleased to see me? 

Why?  Just WHY?

 

...but not too much mystery

Mystery Beard

Beard – good.  No face – bad.

 

 

I’m looking for intelligence (as well as a pronounced rectus femoris)

 

I KNOW YOU

And I think we already did.