Lolly JONES

10 Reasons why Brighton is better than London

Lolly JonesComment

London has become like a crack cocaine habit – I know I shouldn’t and it tastes like shit but I can’t keep my trotters out of the cookie jar.

Since moving south on a whim this summer, I’ve been slowly creeping back.  I’ve not really tried to make friends.  Not properly.  I’ve kissed some people.  I’ve drunk with a fair few and I've worked alongside some legends; a vespa driving girl who sings comedy songs on the internet (whilst dressed as a cardboard babooshka doll) and a boss who wears his lack of enthusiasm like a beacon.  Hear dat.

But I’ve not fully let my fro down, travelling back and forth to Hackney like a light up Yo Yo.

I’ve had this slowly dawning feeling that I’m not with my tribe.  Unfortunately, I need to be around anger and a sense of impending doom to feel alive. 

Still, Brighton you have been lovely.  I’m going to wring the last few days of joy out of you like a sweaty loin cloth.  Here is what I have enjoyed and my top 10 list of why Brighton shits on the big smoke:

 

1: Bus drivers speak

You can thank them and they even say things back like “have a good day” or “see you now”.  Weird.

 

2: Outside Space is Achievable

In an age where the tampon is a ‘luxury item’, outside space must surely be the ultimate extravagance.  I once lived in a Muswell Hill flat with a small iron step for a garden.  I felt like a mighty Empress, sitting there, drinking cheap Riesling as I shouted obscenities to passers-by.  In Brighton, everyone has a real garden.  They see this as their right, like oxygen or well…Lillets.

 

3: The Sea

…in all of its turquoize sorcery.   I don’t know why looking out to something bigger and unfathomable can make you feel still and un-threatened.   Like a cup of Yorkshire tea or a good cry, the sea makes everything feel a little bit better.

 

4: Clean Toilet Bowls

If it’s yellow, let it mellow.  If it’s brown, flush it down. 

Vegans don’t leave skids.  Fact.

 

5: Lower Calorie Intake

In the Laines, I paid £7.40 for a glass of wine.  This has resulted in me drinking slower.  A lot ruddy slower.  DO THEY THINK I’M A MILLIONAIRE?!??!?!

Hmmm…still chubby ‘though.

 

6: The Work based Coffee Morning

There are some dated rituals in Brighton - 1994 called and wants its fire poi back.  But 1972, hey – how’s it going?  Pull up a chair.

Weak, taste-like-pish coffee?  Check. 

Hard, over baked cookie?  Check. 

Chitter-chatter and casual perving on colleagues from across the break-out room?  Check.

Just don’t make me talk to anyone outside of my immediate department, OK?  I’ve gone back in time, not grown an open minded personality.

 

7: The People are Kinder

People treat each other like human beings here, they don’t twitch and huff when they’re in a queue.  Also, the homeless are part of the community – even the Police stop and talk, rather than moving them on. 

 

8: Be Woken to a Seascape 

Granted, I once woke to what sounded like a seagull being gang raped, but you too could wake inside an eerie Hitchcock film each day.  Ahem…I mean an Ayckbourn play…ah, lovely seaside SFX.

Better than nightbuses…right?

 

9: Relaxing the Kohl

Like our European cousins, the Sussex ladies aren’t big on wearing make-up.  And do you know what?  They’re all goddamn tasty.

Think you’re liberated, visiting Londoner?  Try not drawing your eyebrows for a couple of days.  

Mind.  Blown.

 

10: The Dogging Spots have Appropriate Names

Bored of mundane Aldi car park dogging sessions?  Drop down to Brighton and get your load at Hog’s Back or Duke’s Mound.

 

Still, I leave in a week.  Thanks for the good times Brighton.  We’ll always have Pride and the weekend that I drank so much, I couldn’t see.